BEFORE YOU EVEN THINK about your responses to other people, you need to sharpen your listening skills. Have you ever had a conversation with some- one whose body is there, but their mind is not? Frustrating, isn’t it?
Some tips given below which help you to become a good listener!
1: USE NON-INTRUSIVE verbal and non-verbal signals to encourage them to keep talking:
Nodding, and saying, “Uh huh” and “I see” are short, unobtrusive alerts that inspire similarly disclosure. Silence is also okay – sometimes, someone needs a few moments to get their thoughts organized before continuing the conversation. Give them space.
2: Let them keep going until they run out of steam:
When I learned to listen properly, I was amazed to discover that a lot of people desperately want some- one to slow down and hear what they have to say. This is especially true if they are furious, irritated, or have a problem to solve.
3: Do not play the role of armchair psychologist:
To some extent, everyone is a psychologist. We all like to come up with our own theories about why \she and so is furious all the time, why our cousin always goes for men who \ she her terribly, etc. Analyse along at your leisure. When someone shares crucial information with you, do not guess about \their personal reasons, or why they behave in a particular manner. Best case scenario, you’ll seem to be all in all too intrusive. At worst, your conversation partner will.
4: Do not interrupt with unsolicited advice:
Even if you’ve been in the same situation or in same problems as someone else, do not offer your ideas or solutions unless asked for them. There are some things more annoying than unwanted advice etc. Resist the urge to tell them that you know exactly what they are going through. To put it bluntly, you don’t. 2 person can have a similar experience, yet their personality types, upbringing, and previous life events mean that they will not experience the same emotions.
5: Re-phrase someone else’s words, but don’t parrot them back:
It’s possible you’ve heard that repeating someone’s remarks back to them demonstrates that you’ve been paying attention. To a point, this is correct. There is a thin line between reflecting understanding and paraphrasing someone exactly.
6: Check your assumptions:
We all have a tendency to see the world through the prism of our own personal tastes and experiences. For example, if you are close to your parents and like calling your mother once a week, you are likely to be distressed on behalf of someone else if they inform you that their own mother is gravely ill.
But if your conversation partner happens to have a distant relationship with their parents, they probably won’t chance an overly sympathetic response. In fact, your sympathy might make them feel not good. What’s the lesson here? We we do not project our own feelings onto someone other. Let them tell you what a situation or problem means for them personally. Under no circumstances should you tell them how to feel. Accept everyone’s differences, and that no one will react in exactly the same way under the same circumstances.
